you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
