he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
