i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
