Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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