just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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