I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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