I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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