Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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