My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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