I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
