I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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