I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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