I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
