Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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