The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
