People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
