last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
