i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
