On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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