Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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