WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
