Walk of Shame. In a state park.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
They are going to name an STD after you.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
