if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
