He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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