love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
