I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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