I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
