Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I wear drunk well.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
