i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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