your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
