look no pants
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
