somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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