Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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