I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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