some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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