tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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