he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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