you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
