U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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