drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
