Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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