It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
