He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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