John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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