love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
