I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
