i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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