Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
