Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
