I think i peed on brittanys purse
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
